i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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