...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
