We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
