that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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