I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need help removing her.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize