I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
