great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
