I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
