piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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