Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize