turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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