she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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