I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
