I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
