We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
