sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
