i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
