we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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