That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
