she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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