What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
