k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
