you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They took my balls.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
