Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
