Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
