my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize