Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
