i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
