apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
