she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
