Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
