You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
