a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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