there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
