I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
