Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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