It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
