but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
