Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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