Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
