I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
