She's JV to your varsity
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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