ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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