Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
