dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i will never coherently bang her
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
