Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
