She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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