I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
