I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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