I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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