Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just found puke in my bra..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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