Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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