im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
