remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
