Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
