Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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