the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
