But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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