In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize