shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
