Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
