I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
