he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
