Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
