why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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