I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
