my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
